Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Aging for dummies, like me.

Aging is a disgusting habit. Yes, my doctor was all thrilled when I quit smoking, not one word about the negative effects of getting older. He was thrilled when I started going to the gym and exercising, but not one comment on how much time was dragging me down. "Eating vegetables, great idea, but maybe you should try not growing old so quickly."

It is getting hard to see things without my glasses. Our optometrist explained that it was a side effect from aging, your eyes lose their elasticity, or the shape changes or something, I don't really remember.

It is getting harder to remember things. Obviously, this was never a strength, but recently it is a habit, an addiction. Find out something important, better write it down, now where did I put that pen, and is that a note pad over by the refrigerator? Hey, as long as I am at the fridge might as well make a sandwich, grab a pop. What was I going to do again? Oh yeah, have a sandwich.

And it had better be something with some food value, because there is no bouncing back from empty calories anymore. Eating it adds the pounds and they are there forever. A slowing metabolism guarantees anything above subsistence food will still be there next doctor visit. And he hates a few extra pounds. Exercise doesn't help, it hurts.

Oh, sure, I hit the gym routinely. Now though, it has started hitting back. Huge, crushing body blows, filled with malice, and anger, leave me reeling in breathless pain, as I climb onto the treadmill and hold tight. Just hoping it won't throw me off the back of the machine in sobbing pile of ancient, broken humanity.

And through it all they say, "How are the golden years, Tim? Bastards, anyway.