Monday, September 12, 2016

Peer pressure and gravity


Tim Clark recently wrote a post about getting his hair cut. (You can read it HERE.) Although he probably thought it was going to be a simple post for the day, it has turned into a full blown discussion about hair care. Since I have been jumping on bandwagons ever since I fell off the turnip truck, I thought I would add my two cents worth to the conversation. (Sorry - no refunds.)

I chose to bring my part of the discussion over here to the Life Explained Explains Aging site because hair loss is apparently a big concern for some people as they get older. I have been so worried about catching the Furniture disease my dad told me about that I never gave hair a second thought. (For those of you who don't know, the Furniture disease is when your chest starts falling into your drawers.) 

I never really cared about my hair too much. Since the time I joined the Marine Corps at the ripe old age of 17, I have maintained a very short haircut. Sure, I've had a little bit of a receding hairline, but it's not terribly noticeable since my hair is usually quite short. Basically, short hair makes it hard to tell if you're losing hair or if it's thinning a bit. Truth be told, none of this concerns me as there are bigger hair related issues to worry about.

I am fairly certain the whole hair loss panic was created by the hair products companies in an effort to sell hair growth products that rarely work. The worst part is that too much hair growth is the real problem. As I get older, I am more concerned about all the additional hair I am growing. In a few short years, I am going to look like a monkey covered head to toe in hair. 

Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds made a hairy chest the thing to have. Just about every excuse I made for not wanting to do something while I was growing up was met with, "Just do it. It will put hair on your chest." But it doesn't stop there.

Before you know it, your arms and legs are covered in hair. Nothing terrible about that unless you're a male model who has to shave it all off. 

Then the back hair growth kicks into gear. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so shocking (apparently) to the majority of society. I would be completely fine letting it grow and save on sunscreen for my back. Maybe even do a braid all the way down my back?? But no, it's "not supposed to be there" so I get to deal with trying to maintain my back hair. This of course usually involves a second person. In my case, it's my poor wife. At least I know she really loves me. 

Following the back hair comes the ear and nose hair. I'm still undecided on the downside of ear hair. I kind of like having the excuse of "not hearing" when my wife asks me to do something for the third time. The problem is that it's usually her telling me to trim my ear hair. 

I am beginning to think the evolutionary chart we see is backwards. I think it should end up with us looking like an ape at the end of our lives due to the hair growth raging out of control. 

In the end, I say to stop worrying about hair loss and start dealing with the additional hair growth. Either find a way to stop it or get everyone on the same page to say it's cool to have hair all over your body. Maybe we could have Tom and Burt do some public service announcements about it?? Just a thought. Until next time....